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I hate my life.  It's all the worst parts of college (schoolwork, stress), with none of the good parts (friends, freedom to be myself, being in love).  I hate my classes, I love my parents but I frequently don't like them very much and sometimes outright hate them, I hate having to conform to so many expectations to keep things going smoothly, I hate worrying about whether I'm doing the right thing, I hate these damn moodswings, and I'm so fucking lonely.  Friends help, but I haven't been able to make it to Cleveland in ages.  Two more weeks until I can get back.

Fuck it all.  I even had a decent weekend, but now I'm staring down another long week of homework alone and it just doesn't seem worth it. 

Apr. 4th, 2012

I keep seeing trailers for some movie called The Lucky One on TV.  Apparently it's about this guy who finds a picture of a girl and falls in love with her while he's doing a tour of duty in the Middle East, and then when he gets back to the States goes and finds her and she falls for him and happily ever after...

...and all I can think is that is so fucked up. 

I mean, if it were me?  I'd invite him in for tea and cookies, give him a gentle let-down and the phone number of a good therapist.  It's not romantic.  It's just stupid.  He's in love with the girl he invented to go with the photo, not a real person.  And lord knows if I was in her position I wouldn't be anything like what he's expecting. 

And moreover, he's looking for someone to save him - she's his lucky charm that protected him while he was in combat, and now she's probably going to be expected to fix all his other problems too.  Fuck that whole stupid narrative.  You can't expect another person to fix your problems for you, and finding "the right woman" isn't going to magically make your life better.  It's like the whole stupid Manic Pixie Dream Girl thing.  A good therapist is going to do a lot more for helping you get your shit together so you can have a healthy relationship, and it's their job.  Being a woman doesn't make it my job to be your therapist just like being a cute geeky girl doesn't make it my job to be your Manic Pixie Dream Girl. 

Furthermore, it was just a picture!  That's no basis for a relationship.  Maybe a basis for one night of hot sex, but all that's going to happen after that is him finding out that the girl he made up to go along with it is nothing like the real person behind the photo, and then everything falls apart and it's depressing.

Oh hey there Bleach, you're still going?

Apparently the cast of Bleach has gotten an attractiveness upgrade while I wasn't paying any attention.  Among other things Kubo Tite has stopped drawing people's mouths quite so disproportionately wide.  Faces in general are just looking much more naturally proportioned and less awkwardly stylized.  Ichigo's actually looking kind of hot.  Now if only this attractiveness upgrade/art shift could be applied retroactively to the first 400 chapters, I might be slightly more inclined to read it. They are at least very short chapters.

In other news, holy shit I may have overscheduled things for the next couple months.  I'm still plotting out everything I have to get done when to see just how bad it is.

In better news, there's apparently this new girl in town my age that everyone says I need to meet, and may possibly be interested in cosplay. Super excited about that!

Feb. 6th, 2012

I want to write Shinsengumi!Japan/America, and cyberpunk America/Japan, and so many things. 

So I am apparently terrible at this whole Tumblr thing? It's so confusing, reblogs and weird comment hierarchies and everything, why does all the cool stuff have to be there where I can't find it ;_;


Also it doesn't work with Digsby so I forget I have it.

Oh, the humanity

It's kind of horribly depressing to run across someone trying to argue a literal interpretation of Genesis, start to read what seems like a reasonable argument in opposition, only for it to degenerate into ranting about the Evils of Corn Syrup.  Shut up, you're both stupid, I thought the commenters here were smart. (I at least know better than to take the troll bait.)

Also people who don't understand the difference between taking the Bible seriously and taking it literally.  There's kind of a big difference.

Embracing Defeat by John Dower

So, it's a new year and my self-imposed one year hiatus from Hetalia fandom is over. In the meantime, I've been reading Embracing Defeat: Japan in the Wake of WWII by John Dowell, so that I could get a better grasp on the history for my big post-WWII America/Japan fic.

Cut for length, it's kind of an essay...Collapse )

In other thoughts, I should probably get some more Hetalia icons to replace my Trinity Blood ones.  America/Japan ones, obviously.

Nov. 3rd, 2011

If you haven't seen Bunraku yet, go do it! I just watched it and it is absolutely gorgeous and playfully self-aware. Light on plot, perhaps, but a complex plot would have just gotten lost in the lush art. Bunraku knows its tropes and uses them, with samurai, cowboys, a blind swordsman, everything you could ask for. Gackt was every bit as drool-worthy as I had hoped in full-on traditional samurai mode (can I mention his kote were to die for?) This is going to be one I can watch again and again, because the eyecandy will never get boring the way even the best plot can.

Oct. 26th, 2011

I am now passive-aggressively ignoring my ex in my dreams. It's a bit amusing to realize that she's appearing in my dreams just for me to blatantly ignore. I suppose that's progress?

Of everyone I know, she's the only one who's ever shown up consistently in my dreams, so it's a bit depressing. I had thought it was a sign we'd get together - I've had prescient dreams before - but I suppose it was just being in love.

Corn and bean salsa

3 ears corn
1 can black beans, rinsed and drained
1 can petite diced tomatoes, well-drained (Dump them in a mesh strainer and shake them thoroughly. Pick out any bad bits while you're at it - bits of stem-end tomato or skin, that sort of thing)
1 red onion, finely chopped
juice of 2 limes
1/4 c. fresh cilantro, minced
1/4 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. roasted Ancho chili powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. Tabasco
1/3 c. cider vinegar

Cut the kernels off the cob and put them in a large, non-reactive mixing bowl with the black beans, onion, tomatoes and cilantro. Add spices, lime juice, vinegar, and Tabasco, and mix thoroughly. Be generous with the spices, a little extra won't hurt anything.

You can eat this right away, but it's better if it's set for a day or two in the refrigerator.